You know that voice in your head? The one that whispers, “You’re not ready,” or “Who do you think you are?” Yeah, that one. We all have it. For years, I thought confidence was something you were just born with. You either had it or you didn’t. I waited for it to magically arrive, like a package in the mail. It never came.
Then I stumbled onto a simple, almost stupid truth. Confidence isn’t a light switch you flip on. It’s a fire you build, one tiny, almost invisible stick at a time. You don’t become confident by slaying a giant. You become confident by noticing the small wins you achieve every single day, and giving yourself credit for them. This is how you turn down the volume on that nagging voice, for good.
Forget the Grand Gestures:
We’re taught to chase after massive, life-altering victories. “Get the promotion!” “Lose 50 pounds!” “Start the successful business!” These huge goals are so far away that the gap between where you are and where you want to be feels impossible. It’s demoralizing.
Real, unshakable confidence is built in the quiet, boring moments. It’s built on a foundation of micro-achievements.
What is a small win?
- It’s making your bed this morning.
- It’s finally deleting that one annoying email you’ve been avoiding.
- It’s walking for ten minutes when you really didn’t feel like it.
- It’s turning down a second drink when you’re out with friends.
- It’s speaking up in a meeting with just one sentence.
These things seem trivial. They’re not. Every single one is a brick in your foundation. Each one is a quiet message to your brain: “I am someone who follows through. I am someone who can handle things.” Over time, that message gets louder than the doubt.
Your “Done List” is Your Secret Weapon:
We’re obsessed with to-do lists. They’re a never-ending scroll of everything we haven’t done yet. It’s a recipe for feeling inadequate.
I want you to start a “Done List.” Every night, before you go to bed, I want you to write down three things you accomplished that day.
And I don’t care how small they are.
Your list might look like this:
- Took a shower and got dressed.
- Called and made that dentist appointment I’ve been putting off for a month.
- Drank a full glass of water with breakfast.
This isn’t about patting yourself on the back for breathing. This is about retraining your brain to see evidence of your own competence. You are actively looking for proof that you are capable. After a week of this, you’ll have a list of 21 things you successfully did. That’s 21 pieces of evidence against that voice of doubt.
The “One Thing” Rule for Overwhelm:
When a big, scary task is looming, a big project, a difficult conversation, or cleaning a disastrous garage, your confidence plummets because it all feels like too much.
The trick is to shrink the horizon. Don’t look at the whole mountain. Just look at the very next step.
Your only job is to do one tiny thing that moves you forward.
- Scared of the big project? Just open a new document and write the title. That’s it. You’re done. You won.
- Dreading the messy garage? Just go in and throw away five things. Then walk out. Victory.
- Anxious about a hard talk? Just write down the first sentence you want to say.
By completing that one, laughably small action, you’ve created a win. You’ve proven to yourself that you can move forward. Momentum builds confidence faster than anything else. Often, that one small action makes the next one feel easier.
Stop Comparing Your Chapter 1 to Someone Else’s Chapter 20:
This is the confidence killer. Scrolling through social media and seeing everyone’s highlight reels. It makes you feel like you’re miles behind.
But you’re not. You’re looking at their public victory, without seeing the thousands of private, small wins that got them there. The successful entrepreneur you admire started by just building a simple website. The fit influencer started by just walking around the block.
You have to focus on your own path. Your only competition is the person you were yesterday. Did you do one thing today that that person didn’t? Then you won. That’s the only race that matters.
Wrapping Up:
Confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a collection of evidence. It’s the pile of small wins you’ve been gathering and noticing. That voice of doubt is powerful, but it can’t argue with a long, documented list of things you’ve actually done.
Start small. Be kind to yourself. Notice the tiny victories. Write them down. Watch your pile of evidence grow. One day, you’ll look up and realize that the voice isn’t gone, but it’s gotten a lot quieter. And your own belief in yourself is now the loudest sound in the room.
FAQs:
1. What if I can’t think of any small wins?
Start with the absolute basics: “I got out of bed. I brushed my teeth.” A win is any intentional action, no matter how small.
2. How long until I start feeling more confident?
You’ll notice a shift within a week of consistently tracking your “Done List”; the change is cumulative and builds steadily.
3. What’s the biggest mistake people make?
Dismissing their small wins as “not good enough”; a win is a win, and your brain needs to count it.
4. Can this help with social anxiety?
Absolutely; small social wins, like smiling at a cashier or asking a simple question, build evidence that social situations are manageable.
5. What if I have a bad day and don’t accomplish anything?
Your “one thing” on a bad day can be an act of self-care, like taking a nap or reading a book; surviving is also a win.
6. Do I need to tell other people about my small wins?
No, this practice is for you; the validation that matters most is the kind you give yourself.